FAQ Contributors - Social
More angst from me...
| King Kool | Posted 7/27/2007 5:57:22 AM | message detail |
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I'm not even bothering with a title this time... I was walking around a somewhat familiar part of Seekonk, the city next to East Providence. I see someone walking in a similar direction. We're about to cross. I recognize her. It's someone I knew from college that I've lost contact with (it's not "her"). I ask her how she's been. I start walking with her and she eventually reaches a building where she's going. "I'll see you later, Jeff." She says. "Ok, see ya." I say. I walk away. "Man, what the hell?" I'm thinking, "Why didn't I say anything?" This woman has to be one of the most insanely beautiful people who has ever lived. She's extremely intimidating, even though she is about as sweet as can be. It's almost hard to be near her because her charisma could probably kill me. I wake up. I realize it was a dream. I don't remember specifically what I said, but I know it was all just crap. NOW I'm thinking, "Why didn't I DO anything?" I've had a dream like that before, where it was another woman I knew in college that was of a particularly beautiful and sweet variety (also not "her'). I met her in the halls and then she turned into the bathroom and I kept walking. If I knew it was a dream, would I have let her keep walking? Once I had a dream about "her" that ended with a hug. It certainly didn't feel very good after I realized it was all imaginary. I'm not wishing my dream-self was braver. I think it's because I have no memories of being intimate with anyone, so there's nothing for my brain to think about if this sort of thing comes up. Remember that episode of South Park where Butters made the little Butters and a beautiful woman and still did not advance on the woman, even in his fantasy? That's me. Some people say, "In your dreams." For me it's, "Not even in my dreams." --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| Vegita | Posted 7/27/2007 6:06:08 AM | message detail |
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Your fear of rejection will continue to dog you, until you shake it off
and just....say something. "Hey, I like you, you wanna go out
sometime?" What's so bad about saying that? You're afraid she's going
to laugh at you, think of you forever as "that poor sad sap that loves
me but is a moron so I won't go out with them"? Doesn't work like that.
Seriously. --- "No matter how hard you shine it, crap is still crap." ~Me |
| King Kool | Posted 7/27/2007 6:14:04 AM | message detail |
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I've thought of that, obviously. But telling someone to just "shake
off" anxiety is like telling someone without arms to "just row." It's
just not that easy. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| ZoopSoul | Posted 7/27/2007 8:27:35 AM | message detail |
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Okay, one of two things: 1) If your anxiety is a real disorder, seek professional help and stop posting on an internet message board, which will only hinder your chances of getting better. I have loved ones who have gone through therapy WITHOUT drugs (although pills are an option, if that fancies you better), and it worked. 2) If it's not a disorder, I'll send you a $50 Hot Topic gift certificate so you can dress as emo as you wanna be. There's my advice. If I see another topic like this, I will deem you to be the most pathetic person I've ever virtually known (you're currently second on that list), because it means if #1) you acknowledge it is a problem yet refuse to treat it, or if #2) you're doing this for attention. The attention of internet people. That's pitiful. -Zoop --- "Cupcake is stupid" - Hypro |
| The Admiral | Posted 7/27/2007 2:46:23 PM | message detail |
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What Zoop said. --- - The Admiral |
| BostonFuse51 | Posted 7/27/2007 4:36:06 PM | message detail |
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I live right around there... --- Boston Red Sox 62-40 |
| King Kool | Posted 7/27/2007 4:51:47 PM | message detail |
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You're wrong on both counts, Zoop. I can't afford therapy, even if this
was what I thought was severe enough to warrant it, and the reason I
post it here is to get it off my chest in a venue that doesn't matter
in the long run. That is very theraputic and helps it from interfering
with my normal life. I'm not the least bit concerned where I rank on your list of most pathetic people who have ever lived. If you don't want to be helpful, or you don't like to see the topics, don't read or post in them. What is so hard about that? BostonFuse, you don't live in Boston? I'm shocked, shocked. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| honestgamer | Posted 7/27/2007 5:37:53 PM | message detail |
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I know how you feel, Kool, because the same sort of thing often
happened to me. I would dream of people I had feelings for, and in my
dream I'd be too scared to do anything, or things just wouldn't work at
all. I even went through the process of hating my dreams because I
couldn't step up and do something, and felt ripped off because in your
dreams everything is supposed to go right. The problem doesn't go away until you change who you are, and some people never will. I fell into a situation where I had to confront a lot of my anxiety and I learned the tools to overcome it, to handle social situations better and to decrease my fear of rejection. I'm still timid and such, but as my self-esteem has risen, so has the quality of my dreams. Are things perfect? No. Are my dreams as good as the ones others seem to have? No. But things have improved, so that's a start. If you can't afford classes or therapy, there's no reason to fret. Buy a book or two on communication and social interaction. That sort of stuff will probably help a fair bit, more than you'd think. Most of all, keep in mind that most people want the same thing you do: successful interaction with others. We're all pulling for one another! --- http://www.honestgamers.com/ Meet gamers. Review stuff. FAQ stuff. Start a gamer blog. Post on forums. Win prizes. |
| Snow Dragon | Posted 7/27/2007 5:43:40 PM | message detail |
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Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The worst a girl can say if you ask
her out is no. If a two-letter word cripples you, no way are you going
to get anywhere with any woman ever. Not being mean for once, that's my honest assessment. --- I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be |
| The Admiral | Posted 7/27/2007 6:15:00 PM | message detail |
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Look, everyone above has it right. The overwhelming message I see in
every one of these KK posts is that there is zero desire to actually
make a change. You act like you are some helpless victim, only you
perversely seem to enjoy that role. Even if you did have money for
therapy, I doubt you would ever go anyway (ignoring the fact that most
universities offer free mental health services). Even if honestgamer
could recommend some books that helped him a lot, you would ignore
them. You seem very content wallowing in your sadness and feeling sorry
for yourself. If there is never an initiative to change your life,
there will never be a change in the displeasure you derive from it. You
are not afflicted with an incurable disease. You are afflicted with an
intolerable amount of self-pity and an incomprehensible impotence to
actually make a life altering improvement. --- - The Admiral |
| Astroblade | Posted 7/27/2007 7:22:16 PM | message detail |
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I agree with the Admiral, but I can sorta relate. Thing is, it's actually kind of enjoyable to look at a situation like the one you mentioned and be like "hey, I'm helpless, it's not really my fault here, I can't do anything, man this sucks," then come here and ask for a little sympathy, in the form of actual expressions of feeling sorry for you or just general advice. I used to be the same way until a few months ago; you've gotta make that change, regardless of how much you damage your comfort zone, no matter how many guns you feel are getting pointed your way in enemy territory. You'll feel better about yourself if you try for change anyway. --- I'm wheels. I am moving wheels. |
| King Kool | Posted 7/27/2007 8:39:06 PM | message detail |
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I understand, Snow Dragon. The misunderstanding you have is this: it is
not the rejection I fear. I get rejected by jobs and auditions and all
kinds of stuff. I can deal with that. For instance, if I'm trying out
for a play or a movie, no matter how little I care about the part
itself, there will always be a tension in the audition. The acceptance
or rejection doesn't come into play; it is the act itself that creates
the tension. Look, everyone above has it right. The overwhelming message I see in every one of these KK posts is that there is zero desire to actually make a change. Of course there is a desire for change. I have been getting better slowly over the last year by forcing myself into more social habits. When I was dropped into a party against my will, I grabbed a deck of cards and did a few simple tricks for anyone who would watch them. That's better than what I would be doing before that, which is sitting in a corner playing my Gameboy (what I would have done two years ago, and did. But Mario vs. Donkey Kong was really addicting.) Even if you did have money for therapy, I doubt you would ever go anyway (ignoring the fact that most universities offer free mental health services). And I took advantage of said free counseling for a period of about six months, until I stopped living in the dorms. It was satisfying, but in the long run, not all that helpful. To believe that I've told everything that is pertinent is extremely premature. Even if honestgamer could recommend some books that helped him a lot, you would ignore them. I avoid "self-help" when I can, as I always suspect the publishers are more interested in helping themselves. There is one obscure psychological book describing a condition called "love-shyness," which seems very close to my own . But that book doesn't offer a solution, but perspective, which is also welcome. You seem very content wallowing in your sadness and feeling sorry for yourself. You are afflicted with an intolerable amount of self-pity and an incomprehensible impotence to actually make a life altering improvement. Admiral, if you want me to take what you say seriously, you are going to have to accept that you cannot gauge my intentions when I write. Sometimes I write with a cloud over my head. Most times, I don't have one. Today, I feel fine, for instance. You can tell me what you believe I should do, but don't tell me that I'm "content" when you've no right to say how I feel. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| The Admiral | Posted 7/27/2007 9:09:01 PM | message detail |
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"Admiral, if you want me to take what you say
seriously, you are going to have to accept that you cannot gauge my
intentions when I write. Sometimes I write with a cloud over my head.
Most times, I don't have one. Today, I feel fine, for instance. You can
tell me what you believe I should do, but don't tell me that I'm
"content" when you've no right to say how I feel." This is your typical response anytime I say anything critical of you. "You don't know me, you don't have all the information, you can't read my mind, etc." You're right, I don't. All I have is your words on this forum. If my conclusions are bad, then I blame you for not doing a better job of communicating. When you constantly make whiny, self-effacing posts, I am going to use this to base assumptions about the kind of person you are. If you think my assumptions are faulty and do not like them, don't ****ing post your personal crap here. Write it in a journal or some blog. When you post on this board, you know what you're getting. --- - The Admiral |
| King Kool | Posted 7/27/2007 11:12:48 PM | message detail |
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This is your typical response anytime I say anything critical of
you. "You don't know me, you don't have all the information, you can't
read my mind, etc." You're right, I don't. All I have is your words on
this forum. If my conclusions are bad, then I blame you for not doing a
better job of communicating. Am I to reveal all my secrets so you can not hastily jump to conclusions? You didn't even respond to the difference between knowing someone's actions and their intentions, so I'll assume you don't have a response for that one. When you constantly make whiny, self-effacing posts, I am going to use this to base assumptions about the kind of person you are. These are, like, 3 percent of the posts I make. I think you could get a fairly good blueprint of me if you looked at all of my posts. If you think my assumptions are faulty and do not like them, don't ****ing post your personal crap here. Write it in a journal or some blog. You're about the only person who really gives me any grief for this catharsis. You also seem to be the only person who think that if you have a problem with how I post, I'm the one who has the problem and should stop posting. Which makes more sense: I stop posting what I want that's within the rules, or you ignore a topic you don't like? Also, it's best not to swear, if you can avoid it. Is that the sort of language you learned in the navy? My word. When you post on this board, you know what you're getting. When you post in a topic like this, you know what you're getting, too. Are you surprised? --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| ZoopSoul | Posted 7/28/2007 2:50:03 AM | message detail |
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Admiral wins, and KK moves above Marry Crimmas as the most pathetic person to ever live. Anything I don't like about myself, I change it. It IS just as easy said than done. Make it happen. Motivation and whatnot. -Zoop --- "Cupcake is stupid" - Hypro |
| King Kool | Posted 7/28/2007 3:36:19 AM | message detail |
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I can only assume that being declared so by someone who is so consistently and outrageously incorrect can only mean good things. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| BostonFuse51 | Posted 7/28/2007 4:34:24 AM | message detail |
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About 30 min from Boston and I'm up there as much if not more than I am around here... --- Boston Red Sox 62-40 |
| King Kool | Posted 7/28/2007 4:57:29 AM | message detail |
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In an attempt to get this back on track, I feel I should clarify
something. The two women I described that were not "her" were and have
never been the object of my affections. Despite the impact they've had
on me, I was never in love with them. I would venture to say I didn't
even have a crush on them. I remember them, and if they ever re-entered
my life, I might revert to being a shy wreck when trying to talk to
them, but after some time of not seeing them, there's no heartbreak
like there was with "her." I'm fine with them being out of my life.
That just happens. I'm fine with it. My overall goal is not to get a girlfriend (that phrase could sound bad out of context). My goal is to slowly get better with dealing with people in general. I get anxiety when I call someone on the phone for the first time in a while, even a guy, even someone I'm fairly good friends with. AIMing someone who doesn't know I have their screen name is almost impossible. Yes, it's very easy to say "just do it." But it's not easy to "do it." That's what anxiety is all about. If any of you have stage fright, imagine having the opposite of stage fright. It's the same feeling, but in life instead of a stage and an audience. Sometimes I'm able to get past it, sometimes I can't. If anyone kicks open the door for me and starts the conversation, I can usually go from there. That's not so hard for me. It's like when Gallagher talks about the gorilla talking to God and says, "I want hair." God says, "Gonna cost ya brains." Gallagher takes off his hat and says, "Me, I got brains." To some people, sociality comes easy. To some people, writing is impossible. For me, writing comes easily, and I wouldn't trade that for more social skills. Hopefully, I can eventually get better at the social thing and have both. That would be great. These angsty posts aren't meant to piss people off or to just wallow in self-hatred. I'm trying to illuminate parts of my personality to myself and to anyone who might have some perspective on it. Writing definitely helps me with this, and I'm sorry that you are all the target of this. Some of you don't want to hear it, but it will be a long walk before anyone convinces me that I'm doing something wrong with this. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| King Kool | Posted 7/28/2007 4:58:34 AM | message detail |
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About 30 min from Boston and I'm up there as much if not more than I am around here... Where I am, it usually seems to take an hour to get to Boston, whether by car or by train. I haven't been in years. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| winnie the poop | Posted 7/28/2007 11:19:51 PM | message detail |
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winnie the poop (36) | Board List | Topic List | Post New Message | Track Topic --- When you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not, speak then to me. |
| ZoopSoul | Posted 7/29/2007 6:36:27 PM | message detail |
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What are you even talking about? If you mean a few baseball and
football predictions, then maybe, but I don't really consider sports
predictions to be that much of a basis of getting things right in life,
which I obviously have. Even then, my football predictions were pretty
spot-on last year. I made it to the FCBowl finals, only got the Super
Bowl wrong. ;) -Zoop --- "Cupcake is stupid" - Hypro |
| King Kool | Posted 7/29/2007 10:25:04 PM | message detail |
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...I'm not sure where that applies in here. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| ZoopSoul | Posted 7/30/2007 2:15:40 AM | message detail |
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If you mean being incorrect about you, I guessed you 100% accurately
based on what I hear from you. If it's incorrect, that's your fault for
only reporting the fickle side of your personality, Jeffy ol' boy. -Zoop --- "Cupcake is stupid" - Hypro |
| Tessa 6 | Posted 7/30/2007 2:55:51 AM | message detail |
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Also, it's best not to swear, if you can avoid it. Is that the sort of language you learned in the navy? My word. How old are you, ten? --- ~Karpah~ What do girls do during sex, anyways. They just lay there and moan a lot! |
| King Kool | Posted 7/30/2007 3:29:53 AM | message detail |
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If you mean being incorrect about you, I guessed you 100% accurately
based on what I hear from you. If it's incorrect, that's your fault for
only reporting the fickle side of your personality Or you could take the third option, and just assume that the Internet isn't a great way to understand the totality of someone's character. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| ZoopSoul | Posted 7/30/2007 3:47:38 AM | message detail |
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I agree completely, so why do you constantly make topics like this and get offended when we judge you by them? -Zoop --- "Cupcake is stupid" - Hypro |
| Super Slash | Posted 7/30/2007 4:38:27 AM | message detail |
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What Zoop said. --- Current Amount of FAQs: 20 (5848 Total KB) Current KB FAQ Rank: KB Jack |
| King Kool | Posted 7/30/2007 6:35:41 AM | message detail |
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I try not to, so long as you don't make huge generalizations or say
aggressive stuff that's not helpful. Like that status as the most
pathetic person ever. I do other things other than sulk, on occasion. I
write, make movies, work, play games (oddly enough), and hang out with
people (and yes, that is last on the list on purpose). I get a lot done. I don't make topics about my hobbies often because they're not always what I want to talk about and I have other places to go on about those topics. I make other topics if that's what I want to discuss with the boards. You must have seen them by now. I do sometimes feel like griping and this is an adequate place to do it, even when it invariably evolves into an argument like this. Then it just becomes a fairly simple task of defending my position, because the same people who force topics into this position generally put up all the well-engineered defense of a clay pigeon. Even THAT can be cathartic, I enjoy writing so very much. If you continue arguing, I will strive to deflect you while I still derive catharsis from it. I think most people here have seen how long I can go on for. In fact, it always seems that shrill condemnations such as yours get my mind on track to my defense and away from self-loathing. In that sense, I suppose you and your kin have been very helpful (though I would hardly call that contribution unique among the Internet). To be short, you may do and say whatever you like. Either course of action for you is acceptable to me. But let me be as clear as day: shed all fantasies of stopping my angsty topics. You cannot. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| ZoopSoul | Posted 7/30/2007 7:09:26 AM | message detail |
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Delusional. -Zoop --- "Cupcake is stupid" - Hypro |
| Cold NRG | Posted 7/30/2007 11:18:22 AM | message detail |
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Sounds like your afraid of anything that makes you feel uneasy. Force
yourself out of the comfort zone. If you're wanting to get a
girlfriend, sex, job promotion, find love, or whatever; you're going to
have to force yourself -- routinely -- into situations that are
undesirable. --- Whites, boycott Circuit City for anti-white discrimination: http://www.freshplaza.com/2007/0330/re_us_circuitcity.html |
| The Admiral | Posted 7/30/2007 3:07:14 PM | message detail |
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Still makes no sense to me why you would post this here then instead of
in some journal or on some blog site. If everyone who is critical of
you clearly lacks the facts to judge your intentions, personality,
etc., what is the purpose of writing in an interactive forum? Do you
just want posts where people blow smoke up your ass and tell you "it's
okay, don't change anything, you're totally normal." If not, I really
don't see the point. You are delusional. --- - The Admiral |
| King Kool | Posted 7/30/2007 6:33:14 PM | message detail |
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Sounds like your afraid of anything that makes you feel uneasy.
Force yourself out of the comfort zone. If you're wanting to get a
girlfriend, sex, job promotion, find love, or whatever; you're going to
have to force yourself -- routinely -- into situations that are
undesirable. I agree, but I can only take that very slowly, like inching into a pool. If I'm completely uncomfortable, I'm just going to freeze and not do anything. I would think that every time I make progress, that's territory that I don't have to retread, but it doesn't really work that way. It's only after doing it many times and flattening the grass that I can eventually realize "Hey, I don't get nervous when asking someone what time it is anymore." or something. Zoop, Admiral, perhaps it's because I am aware that my condition is neither unique nor ubiquitous is why I decide to share it with those who might be interested. I might argue that the only people who are delusional are those who feel their characteristics can be applied to the whole, perhaps those who think that their own opinions of something are the only ones that apply. (As opposed to the majority of the board, who takes this sort of posts with some salt and a shrug.) But I wouldn't dare try to examine someone's psychological condition over the Internet anymore than I would try to describe someone's haircut by listening to them over the phone. If I am delusional, then you cannot hope that I will be able to see it myself. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| ZoopSoul | Posted 7/31/2007 3:18:04 AM | message detail |
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So this topic is made to feel sorry for you and offer half-hearted support to someone we don't know. AWW IT'S OKAY! IT'LL ALL BE OKAY YOU'VE JUST GOT TO STAY POSITIVE! WHY NOT TAKE DOGS FOR A WALK FOR A POSITIVE ACTIVITY? JUST CONTINUE TO IGNORE YOUR FOLLIES AND THEY'LL FIX THEMSELVES! IT WORKED FOR GERALDO! -Zoop --- "Cupcake is stupid" - Hypro |
| King Kool | Posted 7/31/2007 4:45:24 AM | message detail |
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Well, if it worked for Geraldo... --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
| King Kool | Posted 8/3/2007 7:08:26 PM | message detail |
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I know nobody wants to see this bumped, but I didn't want to make another topic, either. This is kinda in the same vein. I was at the bus stop. I've discovered that the bus is an excellent place to practice magic, because nobody pays attention. I was practicing a trick while waiting for the bus, and someone said something. I talk with him for a second, and he asks to see a trick. I do the one I've been practicing. It works out well. That was the first time I've done a magic trick for a stranger. I felt a little bit of tension, a little more than normal going-on-stage anxiety, but not as much as I get during most normal social situations. I would never just ask someone on the bus if I can show them a trick. That's just strange, and I don't think I'm alone in not wanting to do that. (I can just do tricks for friends for no reason; I did just that the same day.) On the way back, someone on the bus recognizes me and starts a conversation. We chat for the rest of the ride. I can chat very easily, but I couldn't start one unless there was a joke or something I could say (and then, I wouldn't be surprised if the convo evaporated after that). Normally, someone else has to kick down the door. I'm not good at starting conversations with strangers (and normally, I wouldn't even want to. Why do I care what some stranger thinks about something?). Just a few more observations to try to map out my own psyche. No angst this time. --- No matter what they say, or what threats they make, or wars they start, always, always, always, MAKE 7UP YOURS!! |
