2nd Non-Prolific Writers Tournament

The 2nd Non-Prolific FAQ Writers Tournament

Best of Bob and Al

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From: North Division, Round 4 Intro | Posted: 7/21/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everybody, and welcome to Veasey Field for the fourth round in the northern division of the 2nd annual NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al pregame show, and I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's start off with some highlights."

Bob Costas: "In an amazing turn of events, Black Hole Sun and Guitarfreak sweep the winner's bracket in two incredible upsets of the day. Much congratulations go to these two for defeating their worthy opponents, Phoenix and Stevemill, respectively, coincidentally both by 4-point margins."

Al Michaels: "So, Guitarfreak and Black Hole Sun move on to face each other in the division finals, whilst Phoenix and Stevemill will make for a powerful contention for this year's FAQ Bowl. Western division, watch out."

Bob Costas: "The loser's bracket carried some of the closest matches the NPFWT has ever seen, with three of the four matches being won by a single vote, the fourth only two. Not much can be said for the winners, though match eight proved to be the most interesting of the four, with Crazyreyn taking a notable 7-6 victory over the seasoned KevinB.

Al Michaels: "The results of this round will have a profound effect on the east/west playoffs. Most notably are the addition of Phoenix and Stevemill to the loser's bracket, both of which will pose a worthy challenge. But will the east win through their power alone?

Bob Costas: "When we come back, we take a look at the fourth round of the NPFWT, and an explanation of where the divisions are going from here. And later, the next round's matchups. But first, a word from our sponsor. Stay tuned!"

Al Michaels: "We'll be right back."

*Fade out*

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*Fade in*

Bob Costas: "And welcome back. Scandal rocks the NPFWT, as yet again, BTB's vote miscounts leads to a win where it was not duly earned. Back in the west division, BTB earlier reported that Supernova claimed a one-point victory in this match, when in reality, they tied. BTB is quite used to dealing with this situation, and will calmly and quietly recitify the situation during the fourth round. He apologizes for any inconvenience, and also muttered something that sounded like, "...damn Al Gore". Whatever he meant by that is not known at this time."

Al Michaels: "BTB would also like to take this time again to thank MTincher for tallying up the results of the previous round, as well as the standard nod to the Admiral, who has done a fine job behind the scenes here at the NPFWT. In a press conference today, BTB stated, 'so yes, I DID in fact once have sex with a 15 year-old bisexual girl, and was hit on recently by a 34 year-old mother of two.' While this has absolutely nothing to do with the NPFWT, BTB has still requested that we mention it."

Bob Costas: "Moving into the fourth round of the NPFWT, the competition heats up, and the list of contenders narrows down to a mere 32 of our original 64. Most notably, round four heralds the arrival of the division playoffs, where the remaining two contestants in each division's winner's bracket vie for the division title."

Al Michaels: "Right, Bob Costas. This beings us down to only 8 remaining candidates to place in this year's Slaughterbowl. Throughout the fourth round, we will be taking an in-depth look at each candidate, and their overall prospects."

Bob Costas: "Vying for the title of the North, we have Starvenus and The Admiral. And if I could have picked anyone for the North, Al, I tell you it has to have been The Admiral. Very great author, and his orginizational and formatting skills are second to none."

Al Michaels: "Indeed the same things can be said for Starvenus, but the common obstacle shared by both will be breaking out of the Northern division. Many powerful contendors are arising from the west and the east, and will pose a very real threat to the opposition at this year's Slaughterbowl."

Bob Costas: "Well, the FAQers are taking the field, and thus brings this pregame show to a close. Stay tuned for the results from the previous round as well as the next round's matchups. For Bob and Al, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels."

Bob Costas: "Good night."

Al Michaels: "...hey, you didn't..."

Bob Costas: "You jackass."

Al Michaels: "Damn."

From: South Division, Round 4 Intro | Posted: 7/24/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everybody, and welcome to Veasey Field this evening for the 4th round in the south division of the 2nd annual NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al pregame show, and as always, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "The Admiral claims the title of the northern division in a 6-4 victory over Starvenus. This places him in one of the final four positions for this year's Slaughterbowl. Exciting stuff, I tell ya, Al."

Al Michaels: "Action in the loser's bracket was fairl passe', as is standard north division action. Supernova maintains his 5-4 victory over Siniroth X in the west division runoff, and congratulations to him for a win well-deserved."

Bob Costas: "And so Starvenus is knocked down to the loser's bracket for the remainder of the tournament. Also moving on from the north to vie for a position in this year's FAQ Bowl are DJG40, Scurty, and Jagged Jim. All in all, things are starting to shape up very nicely for the final rounds."

Al Michaels: "Indded, Bob Costas. The Admiral looks to hold the north very well, but what difficulties will he face from the south? The results of this upcoming round will shed a little more light on that situation. When we come back, a look at the upcoming matchups, Bob Costas calls me a jackass, and more! But first, a word from our sponsor. Stay tuned!

*Fade out*

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*Fade in*

Bob Costas: "And welcome back. Now, before we continue, I would like to thank Mr. Michael Tincher yet again for his superb work counting the votes of last round, as well as The Admiral for his work behind the scenes. You guys have done a lot to bring this round of the NPFWT to the FCSB, and we all thank you."

Al Michaels: "Also, you might be wondering why Bob Costas and myself are wearing these flame-retardant suits. These are merely a precautionary measure due to today's weather forecast, which predicted a high of 'complete inferno' ehre at the FCSB, likely due to yesterday's flame war."

*A fireball sears over Bob and Al's heads*

Bob Costas: "Whoa! That one was close! Oh, Al, check the burgers, I think they're done."

Al Michaels: *Flips a burger with a spatula* "Just about! And who would have thought that we could actually GRILL BURGERS on the FCSB! Simply amazing, Bob Costas!"

Bob Costas: "Indeed, you jackass. For once, you had a good idea. Not like your FAQ Bowl predictions from last season."

*Cheesy laugh track*

Al Michaels: "Come on now, Bob Costas. The FCSB is hot enough without you adding your own burns to the mix."

*Cheesy laugh track*

Bob Costas: "You jackass."

*Cheesy laugh track*

Al Michaels: "It burns when I pee..."

*Cheesy laugh track*

Bob Costas: "Will somebody shut that damn thing off!?"

*Laugh track is thrown into the FCSB where it drowns in a pool of boiling lava*

Al Michaels: "Well, the burgers are done." *Serves Bob Costas and himself*

Bob Costas: "Ah, thank you." *Between bites* "Well, moving on to the south, we have a very interesting matchup for the south division title. Namely, King Kool and Sasha Slutsker face off for a shot at the southern division and a spot in the final four. King Kool will be the key player in this match, and his performance will literally make or break him. While he was never the most popular FAQer by any means, he demonstrated his staying power earlier in the tourney with an upset victory over Zoopsoul. With this under his belt, one might assume that a victory over Sasha iis in the bag, but that might not be the case here. King Kool remains a wildcard slot, and how he will play that remans to be seen. My precition, Sasha Slutsker, 7-4."

Al Michaels: "But either way you slice it, Bob Costas, the winner of this match moves on to face The Admiral in the intra-division playoffs, and it's going to take some power from either one of these FAQers to make it past him."

Bob Costas: "Even with the division finals, the choice match of this round may very well reside in the loser's bracket. ACA and Zoopsoul, two extremely good FAQers who were inexplicably upset in the first round face each other in my choice match of the round. Al, your predictions?"

Al Michaels: "Well, Bob Costas, ACA has definitely got experience on his side, with a longer tenure than GD, plus he's a moderator, meaning that anyone that displeases him can be vaporized from space. On the other hand, Zoopsoul is rising through the ranks quicker than any FAQer I have ever seen, so if anyone can take down ACA, it'll be him."

Bob Costas: "Indeed Al. The only shame is that only one of them will be able to advance towards FAQ Bowl II. And, the FAQers are taking the field on this flame-filled night, and thus ends this pregame show. The next round will begin shortly. Stay tuned for the results of the previous round. For Bob and Al, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels"

Bob Costas: "Good night."

*A gigantic fireball rushes towards them and incinerates Bob, Al, the stage, and everything in a 30-yard radius*

BTB: "Damn flame war... see what you've done!?

From: West Division, Round 4 Intro | Posted: 7/29/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everyone, and welcome to Veasey Field this evening for the fourth round in the west division of the 2nd Annual NPFWT. This si the Bob and Al pregame show, and as always, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "And it's King Kool for the southern win by a landslide! A 10 to 3 victory over Sasha Slutsker seems a bit much, even for him, but things should definitely prove interesting when King Kool moves on to face The Admiral in the SalughterBowl playoffs."

Al Michaels: "I agree, Bob Costas. While all of us, failing you, of course, was expecting King Kool tot ake the win, I think more than a few of us were surprised at the large margin by which he took that victory. The other match of the round which falls into this category would be math four, in which Zoopsoul trounced ACA, 10 to 2, thus effectively removing a great FAQer from the runnings."

Bob Costas: "And such incredible upsets have become the trademark of the south division, who knows how this will affect the intra division playoffs. In other news, joining Zoopsoul in his battle against the great white north is Swiftshark and Thomas Wilde. And I think I can safely say that the north is going to be hard-pressed to compete with them."

Al Michaels: "Indeed, Bob Costas, but that's a story for a different day. Moving on into the west division, our focus changes yet again. All that and more when we come back, but first, a word from our sponsor. Stay tuned!"

*Fade out*

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*Fade in*

Bob Costas: "And welcome back. Before we get started again, we'd just like to take this opportunity to thank The Admiral once more for all of his hard work behind the scenes, and then that bastard, BTB steals all of his glory."

Al Michaels: "Indeed, Bob Costas. Now, moving right along, I-"

Bob Costas: "What in the hell is that thing?"

Al Michaels: "What thing?"

Bob Costas: *Points* "That thing"

Al Michaels: "Oh, him? That's just a troll I found on the FCSB."

Troll: *Growls*

Bob Costas: "Al, we are NOT keeping a troll around here."

Al Michaels: "But Boooooob! I'll feed it and take care of it!"

Bob Costas: "No, Al! I'm putting my foot down! I'll bet it's not even house trained!"

Al Michaels: "But..."

Troll: *Defacates*

Bob Costas: "Just great. You see the mess it just made!?"

Al Michaels: "I'll clean it up!"

Bob Costas: "You'd better. But first, let's move on to the west division. Babanagirl versus Swicky for the west division is a match that leaves little to be desired. Swicky may be good, but he's going to have a hard time overcoming Bananagirl for the division title. Perhaps the more interesting matches this round lie within the losers bracket, as a very itneresting lineup is formulating to do battle with the east."

Al Michaels: "Indeed, Bob Costas. Karpah versus CWall, Supernova versus Zach Keene, and Starfighters76 versus Belfast is Jehricho all in the losers bracket this round, and there's not a bad FAQer in the whole lot, so expect to see some pretty close matches this round, excepting of coruse the occasional and unexpected sweep. My prediction, Supernova over Zach Keene, 9 to 2.

Bob Costas: "As the losers bracket is down to just the power players, this west division is beginning to shape up. In either event, the east can expect some serious competition here."

Al Michaels: "Agreed."

Bob Costas: "And the FAQers are taking the field, thus ends this pregame show. The next roudn will begin shortly, and stay tuned for the results of the previous round. For all of us at Bob and Al, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels."

Bob Costas: "Good nig-"

Troll: *Eats Bob Costas*

Al Michaels: "No! Bad troll! Bad troll!" *hits it with a rolled-up newspaper*

BTB: "Shoulda used Troll Away..."

From: East Division, Round 4 Intro | Posted: 8/4/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everybody, and welcome to the fourth round in the east division of the 2nd annual NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al pregame show, and as always, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "Banagirl, not surprisingly, takes the win for the west division, and moves on to face the champ of the east for a spot in this year's Slaughterbowl."

Al Michaels: "As we stated before, perhaps the more interesting matches of the round were present in the loser's bracket. CWall and Supernova take out Karpah and Zach Keene by extremely narrow margins in 7 to 5 and a 7 to 6 matches, respectively. And closer still is the ongoing sturggle between Starfighters 76 and Belfast is Jehricho, whose match has gone into overtime following a 6 to 6 tie."

Bob Costas: "Seeing as these have all been some of the closest matchups I have ever seen, I can safely say that very few of us were suprised with the results, and it would be difficult to predict a winner from the Belfast is Jehricho/Starfighters76 match, as well. Lots of intense action in the west, and more to come in the east in the next round."

Al Michaels: "But first, BTB visits us, and a special announcement from him, so be sure to stay tuned for that. And later, a look at the eastern division. And now, a word from our sponsors. Stay tuned."

*Fade out*

“Hello, I’m BTB. And I want to tell you about MY anti-drug. You see…”

Director: “CUT! BTB, put some damn pants on!”

(Take 2)

“Hello, I’m BTB. And I want to tell you about MY anti-drug. Did you know that cigarette companies put thngs in cigarettes like TOBACCO and NICTOINE!? Proudly picked in the southeast, there’s nothing more flavorful or fulfilling than a freshly-lit drag off a Marlboro 100…“

Director: “CUT!”

(Take 3)

“Hello, I’m BTB. And I want to tell you about MY anti-drug. I don’t smoke weed, it’s just not my thing. You know what my thing is? Promiscuous sex. Sleeping with strangers provides all the highs of drugs without any of the risks, unless you count that time I got the clap. And…”

Director: “CUT!!! Get this ****wad out of here and hire some damn kids!”

This has been a public service announcement from the US government. Stay tuned for a tobacco ad.

*Fade In*

Bob Costas: "And welcome back. Standing here with us is the one and only BTB, who has a few words he'd like to say to all of you NPFWT patrons out there."

Al Michaels: "BTB, welcome to Bob and Al."

BTB: "I like porn."

Al Michaels: "Welcome to Bob and Al!"

BTB: "I like porn."

Al Michaels: "Welcome to Bob and Al!"

BTB: "I like porn."

Al Michaels: "Welcome to Bob and Al!"

BTB: "I like porn."

Bob Costas: "Urge to kick Al Michael's ass... rising..."

Al Michaels: "Welcome to Bob and Al!"

Bob Costas: *Hits Al Michaels with a brick* "You jackass..."

BTB: *Pelvic Thrusts* "Anyways, I am here to formally apologize for my lax participation on getting the NPFWT up, more specifically last week. I have been getting much lazier as of late, and assure you all I am working to correct that. In between my busy schedule of prostitutes, FAQing, spamming my website, more prostitutes, and eating things I find in the trash, I assure you that I will always try to find time to update the tourney. And on a final note, I'd like to extend a heartfelt thanks to The Admiral for all of his help, as well as a romantic invitation to Sarah Michelle Gellar, Hillary Duff, that hot girl at my grocery sotre, and any other person who is female and also attractive. That is all."

Al Michaels: "That's... touching, BTB."

Bob Costas: "Well, last time someone was touched by BTB, it was reported to the police."

Al Michaels: "Ouch! Wants some ice on that burn, BTB?"

BTB: *Hits Al Michaels with a brick* "You jackass..."

Bob Costas: *Looks at his brick* "I love these things."

BTB: "And I like porn. Now, if you'll excuse me, there is a female poster on the FCSB that desperately requires my attention." *Pelvic Thrusts*

*BTB leaves*

Al Michaels: "Well, that's enough of that."

Bob Costas: *Hits Al Michaels with a brick*

Al Michaels: "Ow! Why did you do that!?"

Bob Costas: "No reason."

Al Michaels: "Grr..."

Bob Costas: "Jackass."

Al Michaels: "Anyways, moving on into the east, the last of the Slaughterbowl final four will take their place by claiming the win for the eastern division. Guitarfreak and Black Hole Sun face off against each other this round for the division title, and this looks ot be an exciting match, as both pulled stunning upsets to make it this far. Black Hole Sun, of course defeating the legendary Phoenix, while Guitarfreak offed Stevemill in match two during round three. Your predictions, Bob Costas?"

Bob Costas: "Guitarfreak certainly has the advantage here in popular support. Never have I seen a new writer advance so far in the ranks in so little time. If anyhting, I'd say he is the Zoopsoul of the next generation. Black Hole Sun, on the other hand, has more experience on his side, but will that be enough? My prediction, Guitarfreak by a landslide."

Al Michaels: "Phoenix and Stevmill show down int he loser's bracket in today's match of the round. Though it is a shame that only one of them may advance, this fight looks to be a good one. With the stunning accuracy of Stevemill and his almost unanimous support from the Morrowind fans, Phoenix faces a challenging opponent in him, indeed."

Bob Costas: "Harkening back to last year's tournament, however, Stevmill is more than likely out for revenge. Phoenix posing the two losses in that tournament, but those to losses to the winner and second place, respectively. And with both Deflux and BTB out of the way, Phoenix entered this tourney sitting on top, and now Stevmill looks to knock him down. Stevmill, of course, present in the first tourney, as well, so there is an old rivalry in this matchup. All in all, things are going to lok very interesting this round, agreed, Al?"

[Al Michaels has been vaporized from space by a GameFAQ's moderator.]

Bob Costas: "Well, I'll be damned. It must be against the ToS to be an unbelievable jackass nowadays.

*Awkward Silence*

Bob Costas: "And now I'm suddenly overcome by an unexplainable urge to flame someone. But, seeing as the FAQers are now taking to the field, this pregame show draws to a close. The next round will begin shortly, and stay tuned for the posted results of the previous round. For the Bob and Al Show, I'm Bob Costas."

Dot: "And I'm cute!"

Bob Costas: "Good night."

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