2nd Non-Prolific Writers Tournament

The 2nd Non-Prolific FAQ Writers Tournament

Best of Bob and Al

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From: North Division, Round 3 Intro | Posted: 7/3/2003 10:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: Hello, everybody, and welcome to Veasey Field this evening for the third round ot eh northern division of the NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al pregame show, and I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "Classic slaughterfest action permeated the eastern division in the second round, with six of the eight matches proving to be extremely one-sided. Two mathes stood out as interesting, if not epic battles, which were matches four and five."

Al Michaels: "Match four was the choice match of the round, featuring newcoming audience favorite Guitarfreak86 versus long-time vet Aussie 2B. This match remained intesne and heated through most of the round, until Guitarfreak pulled ahead at the end of the round to sntach the victory, 7 to 4."

Bob Costas: "Match five also proved to be a close match, and was neck and neck right up to the very end. Tidus and Serpantsnake squared off in a very closely-matched battle, with Serpantsnake finally earning a well-deserved 6 to 5 win over Tidus."

Al Michaels: "BTB would also like to take this time to point out a slight error in the last round's matchups. As we all should have known, that was indeed the east division- not the west. He apologizes for this inconvenience, and says that if it happens again, it's my ass."

Bob Costas: "Why BTB feels the need to blame his mistakes on us is beyond me, but it does lend itself to the classic sense of how one in authority always has subordinates to blame his mistakes on, and..."

BTB: *Zaps Bob Costas with taser* "Quiet, you!"

Al Michaels: *Sniffs* "Is something burning?"

Bob Costas: "Yes, that would be my roasting flesh... damn BTB..." *sizzle, sizzle*

Al Michaels: "And now we cut to a word form our sponsor. When we come back, a brief overview of the tourney's advancement into the third round, and the matchups for the north division. Stay tuned!"

*Fade out*

Hey, kids! Are you tired of seeing messages like this:

From: atro city | Posted: 7/2/2003 8:21:05 PM | Message Detail
How hard is it to shut up and quit trying to start flame wars? Is it really that hard for you?

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Bob Costas: And welcome back. As we move into the third round of the NPFWT, things change. The tourney's first eliminations took place last round, reducing our numbers from 64 contestants to now just 48."

Al Michaels: "Only four contestants in each division have advanced to continue in that division's winner's bracket, leaving a total of only 16 possible candidates to place in this year's SlaughterBowl."

Bob Costas: "All those who have been ejected from the winner's bracket have been moved to the loser's bracket, leaving a still-ttotal of eight contestants in the loser's bracket for each division. Remember, even though contestants in the loser's bracket are not allowed to advance to the SlaughterBowl, they are still in contention with the winners bracket, all vying for a shot at this year's FAQ Bowl. And jackass, I mean, Al, I'm prediciting that this year's FAQ Bowl will be epic."

Al Michaels: "Indeed it will be, Bob Costas. But let me take the time to re-state that anyone who loses a match in the loser's bracket WILL be eliminated from the tourney, meaning that after round three has past, 16 more will have been ejected from our numbers, brining us down to only 32 remaining contestants."

Bob Costas: "And now if only this jackass could be eliminated from MY numbers, the quality of this show would increase tenfold."

Al Michaels: "All right, Costas, that's it!" *Swings at Bob Costas*

Bob Costas: *Parries and swings back* "En Garde, Jackass!"

*Fighting ensues*

John Madden: "Whoa, those two are ****ing crazy! Anyways, BTB has sent me in here to tell you that the FAQers are heading out onto the field, and the next round will begin shortly. It's time to get read for a great game of FOOTBALL!!!"

Bob Costas: *looks up from beating the **** of out Al Michaels* "That's FAQing, Madden. And you're next once I finish with this jackass." *Returns to wailing on Al Michaels*

John Madden: "Right, FAQing. And on another note, this BTB guy is a complete pervert! You shoulda seen what he was doing to the ticket lady at the gate!"

Bob Costas: *Punches some more* "Yeah, he's like that. You learn to ignore it after awhile."

Al Michaels: "Help... me... Madden..."

Bob Costas: "Quiet, you jackass!" *punch, punch, bash, punch, slam, punch*

John Madden: "Well, that's the end of this pregame show. The next round will be underway soon, and stay tuned for the reults of the previous round. Speaking for Bob, Al, BTB, and all of us here at the Bob and Al Show, this is John Madden wishing you all a good night."

*Fighting continues*

Bob Costas: "JACKASS!" *Strangle*

Al Michaels: "Gaaack!"

From: South Division, Round 3 Intro | Posted: 7/8/2003 9:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everybody, and welcome to Veasey Field this evening for the third round in the southern division of the 2nd Annual NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al pregame show, and I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's start off with some highlights."

Bob Costas: "A startling lack of votes overall last round made things very easy for BTB to clean up when the dust settled, but hopes for higher participation in the following rounds reigns high. Regardless, all eyes were squarely on Match Two last round, as Dan Gordon took a swing at The Admiral. Though he had been faring extremely well thus far, he faced a difficult opponent in The Admiral and lost 5 to 1."

Al Michaels: "Further action in the north skewed mainly one-sided, with two shutouts accenting the round. Congratulations go to both Starvenus and HLeukart for those achievements."

Bob Costas: "Match five did provide us with a heated match, however, perhaps one of the closest matches the NPFWT has ever seen. Wyldcard and Insane Clown remained close through the entire round until a tiebreaking vote decided in favor of Wyldcard, who snatched the win, 4 to 3.

Al Michaels: "Four more contestants gone, and another six matches ahead of us. Coming up on Bob and Al, we move on to the southern division. But first, a word from our sponsor. Stay tuned."

*Fade out*

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Bob Costas: "And welcome back. Moving on into the south division of the NPFWT, we are looking to face some much more intense action than in the north. Al, why don't you tell us a little more about it?"

Al Michaels: "Well, Bob Costas, following some of the mayhem that has gone on in the south, some interesting matchups have formed. ACA and Zoopsoul look to be leading the loser's bracket, while the southern division title looks to be anyone's game at this moment. Between BSalari, Swiftshark, King Kool, and Sasha Slutsker, there is no definite advantage here."

Bob Costas: "Both BSalari and King Kool have some impressive victories under their belts, but will it be enough to counter the popularity of their opponents? Critics are amazed at how far both have advanced already, but only time will tell how long these winning streaks will continue."

Al Michaels: "The winner of the souther division, of course, will move on to face the winner of the north division for an ultimate shot at a place in this year's Slaughterbowl. But the real question is, how does the south stack up against the other divisions?"

Bob Costas: "With that question in mind, we proceed into the third round. As the number of contestants lessens and lessens, the playoff picture begins to emerge."

Al Michaels: "Inexplicably, we have gone nearly an entire show without Bob Costas referring to me as a jackass."

Bob Costas: "You speak too soon, Jackass."

Al Michaels: "Damn."

Bob Costas: "And before we go, we introduce to you a new feature called 'Al Michales is a Jackass'."

Al Michaels: "Oh, boy..."

Bob Costas: "Here's how it works: I sit here, and reassure Al Michaels that he is, in fact, a jackass."

Al Michaels: "Oh, shut up already."

Bob Costas: "And the FAQers take the field... the next round will be underway shortly. Stay tuned for the results of the previous round and the next round's matchups. For Bob and Al, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm a complete jackass."

Bob Costas: "Good night."

From: West Division, Round 3 Intro | Posted: 7/14/2003 9:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Veasey Field this evening for the third round in the western division of the 2nd Annual NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al pregame show, and I'm Bob Costas.

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's start off with some highlights."

Bob Costas: "Heated action in the winner's bracket leads to an exciting race for the division title. King Kool, after pulling an unexpected win over Swiftshark will move on to battle Sasha Slutsker for the southern division. Sasha Slutsker, of course, snatching an impressive victory over BSalari, 11 to 2. BSalari had a good run, but will be knocked down to the loser's bracket for the closing of the division."

Al Michaels: "Moving on to the loser's bracket, we see first the obvious and expected sweeps by ACA and Zoopsoul, though in Zoop's case it was a clutch victory. The action should intensify in the next round as ACA and Zoopsoul move on to face each other, making for an expectedly interesting distraction to the division title match."

Bob Costas: "Thomas Wilde and CGorman will be vying for the wildcard position and a chance to show down against the winner of the Zoop/ACA match, and an ultimate shot at a place in FAQ Bowl II. Very exciting stuff, Al."

Al Michaels: "Indeed, Bob Costas. And with BTB's new hopefully-permanent Monday/Wednesday/Friday tourney update schedule, SlaughterBowl II will be coming to the FCSB before we know it."

Bob Costas: "When we come back, a look at the recent upgrades to the tourney, a look at the western division, and BTB strips. All coming up on Bob and Al."

Al Michaels: "And now, a word from our sponsor."

*Fade out*

From: shadow666 | Posted: 7/13/2003 1:41:48 PM | Message Detail
Arctic's. The most complete are probably his and BTB's, but BTB's is bloated with absolutely useless crap without any real redeeming features.

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And what do I charge for my completely legitiamte and in no possible way illegal services? All I ask of you, the consumer, is that at some point in the future, you perform an unspecified favor for my family. You can't go wrong! So what are you waiting for? Pick up that phone and call now!

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*Fade in*

Bob Costas: "And welcome back. Before we gte back intpo things, we'd like to take a moment to extend our heartfelt thanks to The Admiral and MTincher, for their contributions to this round of the NPFWT. It is because of their help that Bob and Al is now able to reach you three times a week, right here at the FCSB. So remember to tune in every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday night to catch Bob and Al's pregame show, followed by the heated action of the NPFWT. It's all the entertainment you'll ever need!"

Al Michaels: "Hehe... you said 'extend'..."

Bob Costas: *Slaps Al Michaels* "Shut up, Beavis."

Al Michaels: "Bunghole!"

Bob Costas: "Jackass!"

Al Michaels: "Moving right along, then, it's time for today's trivia question."

Bob Costas: "That's right, Al. Today's question takes a look back to FAQ Bowl I, so all of you vintage NPFWTers take note. And the question: Who faced Deflux in FAQ Bowl I?"

Al Michaels: "The first caller to answer that question right gets to sleep with BTB's ex. Well, right after she gets done with those 10 other guys."

Bob Costas: "BTB would like to point out to the ladies that he is still available, so if you are an attractive female who is not a stupid whore like his ex, then please contact him as soon as possible."

Al Michaels: "BTB date a girl that isn't a stupid whore? He'd be more likely to take a vow of chastity."

Bob Costas: "Getting zinged by Al Michaels... how much does that have to hurt?"

Al Michaels: "Yeah... that's gotta hur- hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

Bob Costas: "Nothing, you jackass. Moving into the western division, another interesting division final is beginning to take shape. Al, why don't you tell us a little more about it?"

Al Michaels: "The final four in the west division are a fearsome bunch, including Bananagril, Karpah, Swicky, and CWall. All four are very powerful competitors, which will lead to some very heated action in the winner's bracket for the next two rounds."

Bob Costas: "Those who have fallen to the loser's bracket all have proven to be powerful adversaries, as well, which will again lead to some epic struggles. But, will the power of the west be enough to face the strength of the east?"

Al Michaels: "I can't say for sure, Bob Costas. On one hand, the west has the advantage in the sheer majority of well-known and commanding names in the world of FAQing. The east may not have power in quite that bulk, but the names it does control are among the best in the NPFWT. Any way you look at it, the competitors in the west have some very stiff competition ahead of them, both inside their division and out of it."

Bob Costas: "Indeed, Al. Anyways, as the FAQers take the field, thus ends this episode of Bob and Al. Before we leave, I take this time to issue a special reminder to play close attention to the time limit on the voting card during the next round."

Al Michaels: "Right. This is to make things easier on the people who so generously have offered to help count the votes, lest we have another Florida incident on our hands."

Bob Costas: "The next round will be starting shortly. Stay tuned for the reults of the previous round and the matchups. For all of us at the Bob and Al show, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Good night."

BTB: *Pelvic Thrusts*

From: East Division, Round 3 Intro | Posted: 7/17/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everyone, and welcome to Veasey field this evening for the third round in the east division of the 2nd Annual NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al pregame show coming to you live from BTB's Pelvic Thrust account, and I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "Not much of the unexpected occurred in the west, save a 7-3 victory for Swicky over CWall in match two. Aside from that, just simple sweeping victories in the other matches save match four, which was a closely matched and intense battle between Siniroth X and Supernova. And wouldn't you know it, Supernova walked away with a clutch 5-4 win."

Al Michaels: "And the division finals are beginning to shape up quite nicely for the west. With Karpah and CWall bumped out of the winner's bracket, it's Bananagirl and Swicky for the western title. And Swicky is gonna need all the luck he can get to make it past her."

Bob Costas: "Heavy firepower remains in the loser's bracket, with Karpah, CWall, Zach Keene, Supernova, Starfighters76, and Belfast is Jericho all vying for a position in this year's FAQ Bowl. And Al, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the west sent one of its own to that match this year."

Al Michaels: "Things should pan out differently for the western division winner, who must contend with the champion of the east for a spot in the Slaughterbowl. And Bob Coastas, I'm going to say right now that the west/east division playoff is going to be the most heated match of the tourney. Lots of good competitiors coming from these two divisions, but in the end, there can be only one."

Bob Costas: "Great stuff, Al. When we come back, a look at this round's matchups, BTB apologizes for getting this post up so late, and more. But first, a word from our sponsor."

Al Michaels: "We'll be right back."

*Fade out*

Hello, I'm Bill Gates, founder and owner of the Microsoft corporation. Here at Microsoft, we strive to bring you the foremost excellence in today's leading technology, be it at your school, your work, or on your very own home computer. On all these fronts and many more, including the Microsoft Xbox, our research and development team is constantly working to bring you the very best that the world has to offer.

Recently, there have been some accusations which state that Microsoft (and more specifically, myself) is evil. I would like to take this time to state that those statements are completely and entirely false. These horns on my head? They are purely decorative. And this pitchfork and red cape I use to fight crime under my secret alias, Mr. Money.

Our most recent mergers should not be looked at as an effort to reduce competition, but more so as a way of establishing a sense of unity among the world's industries. And with our subtle hands-off approach to our owned companies, they continue to function exactly as they did before. Only several minor changes take place, such as the replacement of their company's logo with Microsoft's, a complete change in their line of products to conform with Microsoft standards, and the company CEO is sent to burn in a lake of fire in the deepest bowels of Hell for daring to challenege the almighty Microsoft.

This, of course, is possible due to my recent merger with Hell itself, or as it is now known as, "Hellsoft". By buying the complete rights to Hell and everything it endorses (Pauly Shore movies, TV's "Survivor", Calvin Klein clothing products, and more), Microsoft intends to achieve complete global domination. You will all soon bow to me, Bill Gates, your new God.

Thank you.

*Fade in*

Bob Costas: "And welcome back. Before we continue, BTB would like to apologize for not having this post up sooner. He said today in an official press release, 'My FotD duties last night ran longer than expected, and also the person who was to count my votes disappeared mysteriously, thus not allowing me enough time to complete the post.' To this, BTB added, "oh, and any of you sexy ladies out there can feel free to stop by my place tonight for some hot, passionate s-' At this point during BTB's speech, his podium was firebombed by a group of biker lesbians called 'Leather Mamas'. He is currently in the hospital suffering from second and third degree burns. His doctors report that is is in stable condition, and has also hit on several nurses, to boot."

Al Michaels: "In case any of you were wondering, BTB's account is also warned for the time being, due to his recent post comparing the Xbox controller to a phallus."

Bob Costas: "That's right, Al. And he couldn't have been any wronger with his statements. The Xbox is a fine system, that I am proud to admit owning. Halo is a very enjoyable game, and I wouldn't dream of saying anything about it, possibly due to the fact that the Bob and Al show, like 95% of the free world, is now owned exclusively by Microsoft."

Al Michaels: "In front of us right now, we have what appears to be a 10-ton boulder covered in green paint."

Bob Costas: "That would be the Xbox."

Al Michaels: "Right, right... And plugged into the Xbox is... well, it looks to be a steaming pile of feces."

Bob Costas: "That's the controller."

Al Michaels: "Of course. Anyways, standing over here to our left is St. Lucifer himself."

Bob Costas: *Sighs* "That's Bill Gates, you jackass."

Bill Gates: *Zaps Al Michaels with a tazer* "Infidel!"

Al Michaels: "Arrrrgh!"

Bob Costas: "Eh, he had it coming. Anyways, Mr. Gates, I believe you are here to tell us about the Xbox."

Bill Gates: "Why, yes, Al, I am. I..."

Al Michaels: "I'm Al. He's Bob Costas."

Bill Gates: *Zaps Al Michaels again* "Quiet, you."

Bob Costas: "I think I'm starting to like this guy..."

Al Michaels: *Sizzle, sizzle*

Bill Gates: "Anyways, Al, as I was saying, the Xbox is a superior platform which offers exceptional graphics, DVD and music capabilities, and an outstanding library of games, such as Halo, Halo 2, and more."

Bob Costas: "Sounds very interesting."

Al Michaels: "Can we get a shot of you in front of the camera holding the XBox, Bill?"

Bill Gates: "Of course you can, you jackass."

*Bill Gates lifts the XBox, is unable to support its immense weight, and is immediately crushed to death underneath it.*

Bob Costas: "Well, that's just a shame. Anyways, moving on to the east division, we see some interesting matchups to bring the third round to a close. The final four for the eastern division is a tough batch of competitors, and match two between Stevemill and Guitarfreak looks to be a very close battle. Black Hole Sun has some good power behind him, but will it be enough to take on Phoenix? Either way, we can expect to see some very intense action in the east next round during the division finals."

Al Michaels: "Shouldn't we help him or something?"

Bob Costas: "No. The losers bracket in the east isn't quite as interesting as the upper half, but we still might see some power plays from such FAQers as Aussie 2B and KevinB500, the so-called 'killer B's', but even they will face a difficult challenge in the west."

Al Michaels: "I think he's still moving."

Bob Costas: *Pulls out a gun and shoots Bill Gates* "Not anymore."

Al Michaels: "Oh my God, you killed Bill Gates!"

Bob Costas: *Shoots Al Michaels* "Jackass."

Al Michaels: *Thud*

Bob Costas: "And the FAQers take the field. Thus concludes this pregame show. Stay tuned for the results of the previous round and the next round's matchups. For Bob and Al, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "..."

Bob Costas: "Er, good night."

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