2nd Non-Prolific Writers Tournament

The 2nd Non-Prolific FAQ Writers Tournament

Best of Bob and Al

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From: North Division, Round 2 Intro | Posted: 5/7/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello everybody, and thank you for joining us here at Veasey field for the beginning of the second round of the 2nd annual NPFWT, taking place in the northern division. This is the Bob and Al pregame show, and as always, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm al Michaels. Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "The furst round ended with a bang in the east division, where many powerful matches rocked the board. Most notable were two near-shutouts, coming from Phoenix in match one, and Guitarfreak pulling a much deserved shocker out of match seven. And with the power to not only take on Aerostar like that, but to damn near shut him out, Al, I think we're looking at some heavy competition for the Slaughterbowl in Guitarfreak."

Al Michaels: "Indeed, Bob Costas. In other rounds, near-shutouts were abound. Hammerite Heretic, Black Hole Sun, and Steve Miller all had no problem in trouncing the competition, but perhaps the most exciting action came from the remaining matches, which proved to be struggles of epic proportions."

Bob Costas: "In yet another close call, Aussie2B barely squeaked out a 14-13 win over Crazywren in match eight, and Legomondo showed us the true spirit of determination when he came roaring back from a large defecit to Twistidsoul. Sadly, he still lost that match 15-11, but it was an impressive effort on his part."

Al Michaels: "In other news, a moderation frenzy has swept the boards recently, culminating in the utter disappearance of out last show. As always, we'd like to remind you that all of the information concerning the tourney can be found at the Admiral's most excellent site at:

http://free.hostdepartment.com/A/Admiral1018/FAQ_Tourn/FAQ_Tourney_SP03.htm

Bob Costas: "Also concerning the recent wave of moderations, I am now required to inform you that the following topic contains violence, adult situations, and BTB stripping."

*BTB walks onto the field as a disco ball drops and begins to dance seductively*

Al Michaels: "Well, it seems that ever since his girlfriend left him, BTB has decided to make his triumphant return to stripping on the FCB."

Bob Costas: "...are those bite marks on his neck?"

Al Michaels: "I think he's alergic to Cyril. Every time she comes over, he breaks out with scratch marks all over his back."

Bob Costas: "Ok... you jackass... changing the subject, then, with round one behind us now begins round two. While nobody was ejected from the tournament during round one, things will start to change as we enter the second round. Al, would you care to tell us a little more about it?"

Al Michaels: "In round one, eight matches were held in each division between sixteen contestants. The eight winners of said matches will go on to face each other in round two for an ultimaate shot at a slot in SlaughterBowl II. The losers of that round will also go on to face each other in a loser's brackett for a chance to make it to FAQ Bowl II. Any contestant who loses a match in the loser's brackett, furthermore, will be ejected from the tournament and forced to watch BTB strip. Except for Karpah and Cyril, who get to see it either way.

Bob Costas: "Moving past round two is when the strong names will begin to emerge. Concerning the north division, it already looks as if the Admiral has some foothold, but will he be able to hold up against FAQers like DJG40 and Viciousbreaker? Only time will tell."

Al Michaels: "Indeed, Bob Costas."

Bob Costas: "And also, you are a jackass."

Al Michaels: *Sighs* "And, it looks as if the FAQers are beginning to take the field... wait, no... BTB is still stripping, and... yes, it does appear that several fAQers are now violently ill."

Bob Costas: "Round two will begin shortly, after the tortured cries of, "my eyes, my eyes, God, please make it stop!" die down. We leave you now with the reuslts of the previous round, and from Al Micahels and myself, we wish you all a good night."

Al Michaels: "Hey, you didn't call me-"

Bob Costas: "Jackass."

From: South Division, Round 2 Intro | Posted: 5/13/2003 3:00:00 AM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, all, and welcome to Veasey Feild this evening for the second round in the southern division of the NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al Pregame Show, and I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "Al, probably the most notable aspect of the voting last round was the overall lack thereof. Where we typically get an average of 25 votes per match in this tourney, we were shocked to see a staggering 40% dropoff in the voting, even after extending the round for an additional two days. Some blame this lack of interest in the sudden and sporadic prevalence of tourneys around the FCB. At the risk of being labelled as a fad, there seems to be more of these types of topics around the FCB lately than there are 'OMG! I touched teh b00bies!1!!one!' topics around LUE."

Al Michaels: "Despite the general lack of votes, comeptetion between the FAQers remained fierce, if not just severely unnoticed. Battles in the winner's bracket skewed extremely one-sided, with The Admiral, Starvenus, and ViciousBreaker emerging as the big names of the division. Heated competition in match three, however, led to a close 8-6 victory for DJG40, who will move on to face The Admiral in round three. Ad Bob Costasm something tells me that that is going to be a very good match."

Bob Costas: "Indeed, Al. Moving on to the losers bracket, we see more of the same one-sidedness that prevailed in the winners bracket, excepting match five, in which GamingHyena and Insane Clown remained neck and neck for the better part of the round. In the end, Insane Clown eeked out a 8-7 win and the opportunity to continue in the tournament. Congratulations also go to El Pinguno, who earned the first-ever shutout the NPFWT has ever seen, smashing Land of Gamecubes in match eight, 12-0. But all in all, Al, this was a great effort from all FAQers involved."

Al Michaels: "Agreed, Bob Costas. And with the results tallied, the number of remaining contestants drops from 64 to 60. The first four FAQers to be eliminated from the runnings are Gaming Hyena, Homie G String, Eddie C, and Land of Gamcubes. BTB would like to assure you all that your effort thus far has been superb, and that you may e-mail or IM him for your consolation porn links."

Bob Costas: * *****-slaps Al Michaels* "You jackass!"

Al Michaels: "Ow!"

Bob Costas: "...jackass."

Al Michaels: "Moving on to other news, BTB would like to announce that although his finals are over and he has the next few weeks off, he's not out of the woods yet. He has much work ahead of him still, what with the June 1st release date set for his Final Fantasy VII FAQ, and he also would like to pay more attention to his website if at all possible. To further complicate things, he may find himself out of town next week, so please be patient with further tourney updates."

Bob Costas: "And with all that to do, he still finds time to beat us every night..."

Al Michaels: "Indeed. On another note, BTB has been becoming increasingly paranoid lately. Apparently, it seems that somebody is out to kill him, so he has been making himself scarce around here lately. That also explains why Bob and I are both cuurently disguised as BTB."

Bob Costas: "However, given our rock-bottom budget for this show, our disguises consist entirely of these t-shirts which read 'I am BTB'. No offense, but there's something entirely unconvincing about them."

Al Michaels: "I concur, Bob Costa-" *Is hit in the back with a knife* "AGGH!" *Slumps over on the desk*

Bob Costas: "Hmm. I stand corrected. Well, I imagined this would happen. So, fortunately, we have a replacement for Al handy backstage."

*A stagehand leads a live donkey on-stage. The donkey has "Al Michaels" painted on the side of it*

Bob Costas: "Welcome back, Al."

Donkey: "Hee-HAW!"

Al Michaels: *Cough, cough, wheeze*

Bob Costas: "Is it me, or is Al Michaels a little less of a jackass all of a sudden?"

Donkey: "HEE-Haw!"

Bob Costas: "Indeed."

Al Michaels: *Gasps for breath* "Help... dying... need... air..."

Bob Costas: "Quiet, you. Now, as we move on into the southern division, many questions arise. Will the NPFWT recover from the current slump it seems to be in? This is the question that dominates the minds of many of the voters. Don't you agree Al?"

Donkey: "HEE-HAW!"

Bob Costas: "Al, that HAS to be one of the most intelligent things I have ever heard you say."

Al Michaels: "Please... help... me..."

Bob Costas: "Concerning the matches of the southern division, expect to see some very interesting matchups as a result of the various upsets that occurred here in the first round. FAQers such as Asa and Zoopsoul may have fallen into the losers bracket, but lets not expect either to go quietly into the night. All in all, Al, I'm expecting some very interesting matchups from the south in round two."

Donkey: "Hee-haw!"

Al Michaels: "Ugh..."

Bob Costas: "Well, it seems that it is nearly time for the FAQers to take the field. The matchups will be starting shortly, and thus concludes this pregame show. We leave you now with the results of the previous matches, and from Al Michaels and myself, we wish you all a good night."

Al Michaels: "Vision... fading... can't... stay... awake... any... ugh..."

Donkey: "HEE-HAW!!!"

From: West Division, Round 2 Intro | Posted: 5/16/2003 11:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, all, and welcome to Veasey Field this fine evening for the second round in the western division of the NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al pregame show, and I'm Bob Costas."

Al Micahels: "And I'm a jac- um, Al Michaels."

Bob Costas: "No, you were right the first time."

Al Micahels: "Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "Very few close matches leads to some very one-sided action in the last round, the most notable of which came during match seven, when Zoopsoul pitched a 21-0 shutout against Otacon."

Al Micahels: "But last round was not without a few close matchesw, Bob Costas. And with them, a few upsets. The most heated match of the round was match six, where Cless Avlien lost to GTA AssassinX by a slim 8-10 margin."

Bob Costas: "Match four also drew some attention, where Swiftshark pulled a notable victory over Thomas Wilde. But perhaps the most interesting match was match one, where NintendoMaster pulls off yet another victory, this time over CGorman."

Al Micahels: "And now it's time for the portion of the show where Bob Costas calls me a jackass."

Bob Costas: "You jackass."

Al Micahels: "Okay, and back to our regularly-scheduled program. I would like to take this time to again remind you all that you can find out everything aboutr the NPFWT at the Admiral's website at

http://free.hostdepartment.com/A/Admiral1018/FAQ_Tourn/FAQ_Tourney_SP03.htm

It has been recently updated to host the results of round two in both the north and south divisions, and it also has incorporated a new feature that will allow you to view the statistics of each contestant by division, so do yourself a favor and check it out."

Bob Costas: "BTB has announced yet again that he may be out of town next week, but if he is, he will try to update the tourney when possible. Even if he does stayb home, he will still be busy getting his Final Fantasy VII FAQ ready for the June 1st deadline, so either way, he's very busy."

Al Micahels: "But, being the nice guy he is, he's still been taking the time lately to train Cyril for her upcoming match. Though I do find it odd that their training regiments appear to have little to nothing to do with FAQ writing. But, when I aksed BTB earlier, he assured me that handcuffs and a copy of the Karma Sutra were standard FAQing equipment."

Bob Costas: "Um, Al..."

Al Micahels: "What?"

Bob Costas: *Sighs* "Nothing... you jackass."

Al Micahels: "Moving right along to the western division, the results of the previous round have set up some interesting matchups here in the west. After some of the very one-sided matches of the first round, it will be interesting to see how all of the FAQers fare this time around."

Bob Costas: "Agreed, Al Micahels. And when the dust settles, four more FAQers will have been eliminated from the ranks, added onto those that were ejected during the matchups in the south. Those FAQers included BWoodhouse, Cless Avlien, Otacon, and Royal Flame. In light of the cliche'd and crappy consolation prizes, you will all recieve a kilo of coke and the prostitue of your choice."

Al Micahels: "Yes, those prostitutes were looking mighty... HEY, THAT'S MY WIFE!"

Bob Costas: "Anyways, the FAQers are taking the field, and thus concludes this pregame show. We leave you now with the results of the previous round, and from Al Micahels and myself..."

Al Micahels: "YOU WHORE!"

Bob Costas: "...we wish you all a good night."

From: East Division, Round 2 Intro | Posted: 5/19/2003 11:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, all, and welcome to Veasey Field this evening for the closing matches of the second round here in the east division of the NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al Pregame Show, and I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's check out those highlights."

Bob Costas: "Al, there was not a single close match last round, which was truly amazing. There is not much that can be said about the massive slaughterfest that was the second round of the western division, but congratulations to Starfighters76, who pitched a shutout against ZephyrMaster, 21-0."

Al Michaels: "And with four losses in the losers bracket come four more FAQers booted from the tourney, reducing the number of participants to 54. The FAQers eliminated from the tournament this round included: Zylya, TBNumber6, TimmyTheRabidTurtle, and Zephymaster. We wish you all the best and thank you for participating."

Bob Costas: "On another note, while it seems that BTB will not be going out of town, he does appear to have developed a crippling addiction to FCB. This is a highly-addictive drug whose effects include insomnia, horniness, and a lack of interest in anything other than posting irrational and senseless messages in 500-post topics. In more advanced cases, the symptoms can spread to other topics."

BTB: "Hey there, you sexy thing! Why don't you come and take an all-night trip on the BTB Express!?" *Pelvic thrusts* "Oh, yeah!!!"

Al Michaels: "Dear God, we're infected!"

Bob Costas: "This is horrible! Now that BTB is here, we can only hope that this topic remains on-topic for long enough for the next round to start. Al?"

BTB: *Drunkenly* "Hey, Cyril! Where's your sexy ass at!?"

Al Michaels: "It's happening! God help us!"

Bob Costas: "You jackass!"

Al Michaels: "What did I do!?"

Bob Costas: "Nothing. You're still a jackass, though."

Al Michaels: *Sighs* "Coming up in the eastern division, we see some very interesting macthes forming resulting from the devastation that was round one out here. And with many big names emerging from the mysterious east, expect an immenent clashing of the titans in this round and those ahead of us."

Bob Costas: "Agreed, Al. I would go on, but it appears that we have only 20 seconds until this topic is turned into a conversation about wangs. So, the FAQers are rushed onto the field, and thus ends this pregame show. We leave you with the results of the pervious round, followed by the matchups and a discussion about wangs. I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I have an 8-inch wang."

Bob Costas: "No, you don't. BTB does."

Al Michaels: "Let me guess... I'm a jackass?"

Bob Costas: "You wang..."

From: East Division, Round 2 Intro (Again) | Posted: 7/1/2003 11:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: Hello, everybody and welcome to Veasey field this evening for the return of the NPFWT. This is the Bob and Al pre-game show, and I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. And Bob Costas, would you listen to the crowd out there tonight? It sounds like these folks are really excited to see the NPFWT return to the shores of GameFAQ's after its two-month-long hiatus."

Bob Costas: "Indeed a worthy cause for celebration. And we would like to start out by saying that the NPFWT is here to stay. Despite what has gone on in the past, we are returning to finish out this season strong, just as we started out."

Al Michaels: "A lot has happened in the two months we have been gone. BTB, the tourney's host, has gone prolific, CNET now owns our asses, and a brand new board has been created as a result of the chaos which took us off the air to begin with."

Bob Costas: "Some of you might notice that the NPFWT has moved to the FCSB. The reasons for this are many, and BTB just feels that overall, the tourney would fare much better here as whole."

Al Michaels: "Agreed. We're going to leave for a quick commercial break. When we come back, Bob Costas and I will take a look at a few of the changes to the NPFWT for the season's second half, and later Round Two of the West Division begins."

*Fade out*

"Hey, folks, how would you like to set a spell with one of the zaniest webcomics ever designed? BTB Enterprises at www.angelfire.com/comics/btb , home of Billy the Bum, has something for everyone! The site's latest additions include a brand new joke archive, as well as more bonus material on Chad Steele's personal page! And, of course, the FAQ's are ALWAYS uncensored at BTB Enterprises! Come on down!"

*Fade in*

Bob Costas: And welcome back. Why BTB felt the need to advertise is beyond me, but one thing that hasn't changed in the last two months is that if I question him, he will beat me. He has also instructed me to inform you all that his ex is a complete and total *****."

Al Michaels: "I couldn't agree with you more, Bob Costas. Moving back to the NPFWT, a few changes have taken place that will make things hopefully easier for BTB to handle. Gone are the long matchup lists of before. Rather, they will all be consolidated into one matchup list/scorecard which will also contain a link to the Admiral's site, where all of the afformentioned information can be located."

Bob Costas: "Among the benefits that this will provide is the tourney hopefully progressing much faster than before, as BTB will now find it much easier to put up new rounds."

Al Michaels: "Another addition is that of a strict time limit on voting. Rounds will last a total of 48 hours from the time the matchups are posted. So, pay close attention to that time of post, everyone!"

Bob Costas: "And, of course, the question that has been on everybody's mind: 'what of BTB's beloved/tolerated/hated (select appropriate) love of sexual innuendo?' In a press conference today, BTB responded with: 'come on, people, this is me we're talking about.' He then made pelvic thrusting motions towards a random female who happened to be passing by, stating that she 'wanted him'."

Al Michaels: "However, public response has been, well, amazing. Right here is a large pile of fan mail regarding the NPFWT."

Bob Costas: *Opens a letter and reads* "'I would like to see more of BTB's sexy body...' Okay..." *Picks up another letter* "More of BTB! Less of that Al Michaels jackass!' Well, at least whoever wrote that letter got part of it right..." *Opens yet another letter* "'BTB is the sexiest man alive, and I want to take him and...' ok, I can't read the rest of that on the air."

Al Michaels: "Why does the text of all these letters resemble BTB's handwriting...?"

Bob Costas: "Because you touch yourself at night. Also, because you are a jackass."

Al Michaels: "WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO WITH THE NPFWT!?"

Bob Costas: * *****-slaps Al Michaels*

Al Michaels: "omg the hotdog fell out!!!"

Bob Costas: "And on that note, this round is about to get underway. As some of you might know, Round Two of the West Division was currently in progress when Veasey Field was raided by moderators, so in the interests of fairness, this round will be restarted entirely."

Al Michaels: "And the FAQers are taking to the fields, led by BTB himself. He appears to be carrying a flag of some sorts, which he is now planting in the middle of Veasey Field. And the flag looks to be... er..."

Bob Costas: "And it appears that BTB has planted a flag bearing the symbol of a gigantic wang in the middle of the field. The NPFWT has officially reached a new low. Now BTB is... yes, he is now making passes at several female FAQers."

Al Michaels: "And I'M the jackass!?"

Bob Costas: "Once BTB is removed from the field, likely by security, this round of the NPFWT will begin. And thus ends this pregame show. Stay tuned to the FCSB for this round's matchups, which will be posted shortly. For Bob and Al, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michales, wishing you all a good night from all of us here at Veasey Field."

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