2nd Non-Prolific Writers Tournament

The 2nd Non-Prolific FAQ Writers Tournament

Best of Bob and Al

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From: Preseason Thoughts | Posted: 4/22/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello everybody, and welcome to Veasey Field on this fine Tuesday evening. I'm Bob Costas, and this is the 2nd Anuual Non-Prolific FAQ Writers Tourney."

Al Michales: "And I'm Al Michaels. And Bob Costas, things are shaping up very nicely for this year's tourney. It looks liek this season is going to be very exciting."

Bob Costas: "Indeed, Al. Let's begin by taking a look at the events of last season."

*Tape plays*

Bob Costas on Tape: "Al Micahels, you are a jackass!"

*Tape fast-forwards*

Bob Costas on Tape: "You jackass..."

*Tape fast-forwards*

Bob Costas on Tape" "You are SUCH a jackass..."

Bob Costas: "Ok, then, moving right along. The pilot season of the NPFWT was much smaller than this season's, but very intense, indeed. Sixteen contestants sparred off, eventually finally resulting in BTB winning with his Dragon Warrior IV FAQ, and Deflux pulling an astounding victory in FAQ Bowl I with his Metroid Prime FAQ. Exciting stuff."

Al Michaels: "I still think that Phoenix got hosed in the semifinals."

Bob Costas: "Indeed, Deflux faced heavy competition in Phoenix last season, but regretfully Phoenix will not be returning this season to claim what could easily be his. Also barred from returning this season is the FAQ Bowl champ Deflux, as well as BTB."

Al Micahels: "While BTB publicly stated his unwillingness to run again, several facts have emerged to cement that fact in stone. To begin with, BTB will soon be joining the ranks of the prolifics with his Final Fantasy VII FAQ. In addition, he is concerned with a conflict of interests within his own tournament."

Bob Costas: "Yes, Al, as BTB has made many friends here since last season, he has found it to be in his best interests not to run. He will also be refraining from voting, which is another smart move on his part."

Al Micahels: "Now if only he would let us out of these shackels, we'd be good to go."

Bob Costas: "Dream on, you jackass. And need I remind you that it's your fault we're here?"

Al Micahels: "..."

Bob Costas: "You jackass."

Al Micahels: "anyways, with the new season come several changes. To begin with, the tourney is much bigger this season, four times as large, to be exact. With 64 nominees to choose from, how is this going to effect the brackets, Bob Costas?"

Bob Costas: "Well, aside from being much larger, it will follow the same format as last season. For those of you who don't know, this is a double elimination tournament, meaning that it will take two losses to completely knock one out of the running. After the winner emerges, the remaining contestants spar off in a race for second place, which will culminate in FAQ Bowl II."

Al Michaels: "Indeed, Bob Costas. Among the other noticeable changes will be a brief alteration in the format, as well as a change in the official name of the tournament. BTB felt that "Up and Coming" was a very poor choice of words. That being said, let's have a look at this season's roster."

Bob Costas: "Many new faces this season, and many returning contestants, as well. Among the returning contestants we have such FAQers as The Admiral, Sasha Slutsker, Stevemill, and Zoopsoul, all of which stand a good chance of victory this year."

Al Micahels: "But those FAQers will be facing some fierce competition this year, with a whole new wave of opponents to face. Among them are such notables as Bananagrill, Sonic T Hedgehog, and Zach Keene, who bears the full support of the legendary Atom Edge. All in all, I'm expecting to see some very exciting match-ups this season."

Bob Costas: "Indeed, you jackass. We now leave you with the brackets for the upcoming season. So from Al Michaels and myself, good night."

Al Micahels: "Good ni-"

*BTB whips Al Micahels*

BTB: "Back to your dungeon, slave!"

Al Michaels: "But I-"

*BTB whips him again*

BTB: "Now!"

Al Micahels: "Yes, Master..."

Bob Costas: "You jackass..."

From: North Division, Round 1 Intro | Posted: 4/26/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everydoby, and welcome to Veasey field on this lovely Friday evening for round one of the 2nd Annual Non-Prolific FAQ Writers Tourney in the North Division. I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. And Bob Costas, things are looking very exiting for this round. Staring off with the North Division, we see many fresh faces, and several closely-matched battles. What are your thoughts, Bob Costas?

Bob Costas: "At this point, Al, it's really anyone's game. There's plenty of room for anyone to pull into the lead, and what with the double elimination rule, anything can happen."

Al Michaels: "Speaking of the double elimination, there seems to be much confusuion among the masses as to exactly how this tourney is going to play out."

Bob Costas: "Well, you jackass, it's very simple... you see, first the elimination takes place in the first round and then..."

(Two hours later)

Bob Costas: "...and it's that simple, you jackass. But as for the general public, there's only two things they should know. One is that a writer is not booted from the running until he or she has lost two matches. The second is that anyone can vote on any match. However, writers are barred from voting in matches in which they are participating."

Al Michaels: "And it's that simple. At the end of the season, the matches will culminate in two very exciting showdowns: SlaughterBowl II, and FAQ Bowl II. Would you care to tell us a little bit more about these, Bob Costas?"

Bob Costas: "The SlaughterBowl is what BTB affectionately refers to the match which will decide this year's winner. It earned this name through the Super Bowl's long history of games in which the winner had been clearly decided no more than halfway through the game. Following the SlaughterBowl comes the FAQ Bowl, in which the 2nd place winner shall be crowned. Statistically and historically speaking, we can expect a much more intense and close battle in FAQ Bowl II."

Al Michaels: "Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

Bob Costas: "Yes, Al. You are a jackass."

Al Michaels: *Sighs* "Well, BTB is taking the field in this year's traditional first pitch to open up this season. Let's watch."

*BTB hurls a baseball into the audience, striking Krustster and giving him a concussion*

Bob Costas: "Ooooh... he's going to be feeling THAT in the morning."

Al Michaels: "I don't think that was accidental, Bob Costas."

*BTB whips Al Michaels*

BTB: "Quiet, Slave! Do you want me to beat you again tonight?"

Bob Costas: "BTB, you beat us EVERY night."

*BTB whips Bob Costas*

BTB: "Hush!"

Al Michaels: "Anyways, the game is about to begin. So from Bob Costas and myself, I bid you all a good night. Stay tuned for the matchup."

Bob Costas: "You jackass..."

From: South Division, Round 1 Intro | Posted: 4/28/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everybody, and welcome to Veasey field this beautiful Monday afternoon, and the South Division portion of the first round in the 2nd Annual NPFWT. I'm Bob Costas."

Al Micahels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's start off with the highlights of the previous round."

Bob Costas: "Eight very well-played matches last round let to some intense action, Al, but when the smoke cleared, there emerged only eight winners. Kudos to the Admiral, who pitched the first shutout in the history of the NPFWT. Things are looking very bringht for the Admiral, who may very well rise towards the finals in this tourney after coming oh, so close last season."

Al Michaels: "Matches three and six were also quite one-sided, with DJG40 and Starvenus both trouncing their competitors 19 to 3. All in all, Bob Costas, I'm seeing a few excellent competitors rising from the North."

Bob Costas: "Indeed, Al. But the true intensity last round came from the closer matches. Most notable was Match Four, where Homie G String and Doodle remianed neck and neck throughout most of the round. But in the end, Doodle emerged as the victor, with a score of 10-12."

Al Michaels: "Another close match was Match Two, with Vicious Breaker winning the nod there."

Bob Costas: "In further news, BTB shocked the fans last round by announcing that he would no longer be stripping publicly at the FCB. This announcement drew mixed reactions from the fans, ranging from elated agreement to one particularly gloomy suidice."

Al Michaels: "All is not lost, however, as BTB has come to a compromise with the FCb on this matter."

Bob Costas: "And that is?"

Al Michaels: Well..." *stands up and whips his shirt off as a disco ball drops behind him*

Bob Costas: "My dear God..."

Al Michaels: *dances seductively to the music* "You like that ass, don't you, Baby? Oh, yeah, that's right, I like to shake it..." *slaps his ass*

Bob Costas: *Vomits*

Al Michales: *sits back down shirtless afterwards* "Well, on the bright side of things, BTB seems to be very happy lately."

Bob Costas: "If I had a girlfriend as beautiful as he does, I'd probably be happy, too."

Al Michaels: "...jealous, Bob Costas?"

Bob Costas: "Quiet, Jackass."

*BTB dances into the arena all happy-like*

Bob Costas: "He DOES seem happy, though."

*BTB whips Bob Costas and Al Michaels savagely with a big grin on his face, then prances off*

Al Michaels: "Moving along to todays matches, then... oh, Jesus, I'm bleeding..."

Bob Costas: "Today's matches take us to the Southern divison of the NPFWT, where several more promising writers are rooted, notably Zoopsoul, who came close to claiming victory at last seasons FAQ Bowl. But with a new season and new challengers, Zoop has a long road ahead of him, and only time will tell how things will go."

Al Michales: "Indeed, Bob Costas. BTB would also like to announce that from this point forward, he would much appreciate the voters to copy/paste and vote on a scorecard, which he will provide in a later post. He was very unhappy with the amount of effort it took to tally the votes, and hopefully your compliance will make things easier."

Bob Costas: "I hope so, Al. BTB is evil to use when he's mad."

Al Michaels: "So please, think of us when you vote and use the scorecard! We don't want to have to run the gauntlet again!"

Bob Costas: "The gauntlet..." *shudders*

Al Michaels: "It's like staring TubgirI right in the face, only ten times worse."

Bob Costas: "And on that note, Al, the next round will be starting momentarily, so we now leave you with the results for the previous round, so stay tuned. I'm Bob Costas."

Al Micahels: And I'm Al Michaels."

Bob Costas: "Jackass."

Al Michaels: "Good night, everybody."

From: West Division, Round 1 Intro | Posted: 5/1/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everybody, and welcome to Veasey field again for the first round in the western division of the NPFWT. This is the pre-game show, and I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "Al, 'complete pandemonium' is the only accurate way of describing what happened in the southern division. Many one-sided matches, several outstanding upsets, and a board full of shocked vets."

Al Michaels: "Indeed, Bob Costas, the first round in the south may very well stand as one of the most upsetting rounds the NPFWT has ever seen. Most notable was NintendoMatser's 16-10 victory over the well-repsected ACA in match one, which left many FCB vets stunned."

Bob Costas: "The other surprise the south held in store for us came during match six, where FCB favorite Zoopsoul lost to King Kool by a narrow 15-12 margin. Don't think many people saw that one coming, either. I, myself, lost $100.00 on that match."

Al Michaels: (Quietly) "To me..."

Bob Costas: "Shut up, you jackass."

Al Michaels: "Those two matches aside, the majority of the matches in the southern division were very one-sided. While several of the winners in these cases were expected by many to win, the lagre margin by which those FAQers claimed victory still came as a surprise."

Bob Costas: "The one exception to this was the well-heated match three between Cless Avlien and Sonic T Hedgehog, where Sonic T Hedgehog pulled out with a well deserved 15-11 victory in the end."

Al Michaels: "On anohter note, BTB is happy to announce that The Admiral has created a website dedicated to the NPFWT, and encourages you all to visit it at:

http://free.hostdepartment.com/A/Admiral1018/FAQ_Tourn/FAQ_Tourney_SP03.htm#west

There, you can view the up-to-date runnings of the tournament, as well as the very best of Bob Costas and myself. Which, I presume, even though I have not yet seen it myself, is more or less 5 hours of Bob Costas calling me a jackass."

Bob Costas: "Jackass."

Al Michaels: "Moving right along, BTB has also gone on to publicly reaffirm one of the main rules of the NPFWT, which is that voters are not allowed to vote in any match they are participating in. NintendoMaster, specifically, attempted to do this on Tuesday, and BTB was not pleased."

Bob Costas: "While NintendoMaster was not penalized for this act, any further breach of this rule will count as a vote against the guilty party. Furthermore, for each self-vote, BTB has announced that he will publicly beat us."

*BTB walks onto the field weilding a large cane*

Al Michaels: "No... no... not THE PUNISHER! Please, BTB, I'll..."

BTB: "QUIET, YOU!"

*BTB beats Bob Costas and Al Michaels mercilessly*

BTB: "I'd also like to take this time to say that if Jenn is reading this: I love ya, Baby ^.~ The rest of you can go to hell for all I care."

*BTB leaves*

Bob Costas: *Coughs up some blood onto the microphone* "I think I'm dying..."

Al Michaels: "My sexy body... bruised... cannot strip for awhile..."

Bob Costas: "At least some good came of this, then..." *Coughs up some more blood* "Is that a lung...?"

Al Michaels: "Moving along to the western division, several big names emerge, including Zach Keene and Bananagrill, just to name a few. I sense some heated action coming our way, especially given the immense hatred that seems to exist between the west and the east. More than anything else, Bob Costas, I am sensing an epic struggle between these two divisions."

Bob Costas: "Also hailing from the west is Cyril, who is not only an excellent FAQer, but more than likely the biggest reason that BTB has refused to vote in this tourney."

Al Michaels: "BTB feels that as close as he and Cyril are, a conflict of interests would arise. BTB would also like to tell Cyril that she left his handcuffs over at his house, and any time she feels like coming by to pick them up would be great."

Bob Costas: *Smacks Al Michaels* "You jackass..."

Al Michaels: "What!?"

Bob Costas: "You are SUCH a jackass..."

Al Michaels: "On a final note, BTB reports that he was pleased with the voters' cooperation with the voting scorecard, and voting was made much easier. He would also liek to again thank Andrew Testa for his assitance in this matter."

Bob Costas: "As the lights dim, the FAQers begin to take the field. The next round will be starting shortly, and thus concludes this pre-game show. We leave you now with the results of the previous round, and from the Jackass and myself, we wish you all a good night.

Al Michaels: *Sighs*

Bob Costas: "Jackass..."

From: East Division, Round 1 Intro | Posted: 5/5/2003 8:00:00 PM | Message Detail

Bob Costas: "Hello, everybody, and welcome to Veasey field this evening for the closing matches of the first round in the NPFWT. Today's matches take us to the eastern and final division of the brackets. This is the Bob and Al pre-game show, and as always, I'm Bob Costas."

Al Michaels: "And I'm Al Michaels. Let's go to the highlights."

Bob Costas: "Al, everyone's eyes were squarely on mtach five last round, where an epic struggle took place between Karpah and Akram Ajlouni, better known to us all as Asa. At first count, the votes for the two appeared to be dead-equal. But after much recounting, it turns out that Karpah had actually pulled ahead for clutch 14-13 win, possibly the closest match the NPFWT has ever seen."

Al Michaels: "Unless you count last season, when BTB accidentally miscounted the votes on a match that The Admiral had actually won to Hyprophant."

Bob Costas: "True, Al. And on that note, BTB has requested that NO Florida jokes be made."

Al Michaels: "Another very close match was match six, where Cyril and Swickrestarama went at it, and in the end Swicky pulled ahead with a 16-13 win over Cyril."

Bob Costas: "I WAS going to offer her a consolation prize, but it seems that BTB is giving her more consolation than she needs..."

*Moans and screams of pleasure can be heard form off-camera*

Al Michaels: *Dryly* "Indeed, Bob Costas." *Is hit in the head with a pair of panties* "Lovely..."

Bob Costas: "Again, it was a close match, but Swicky was just too much for her."

Al Michaels: "Yes, Bob Costas, he pulled ahead by a swinging Chad."

Bob Costas: *Hits Al Micahels with a giant mallet* "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE FLORIDA JOKES, YOU JACKASS!?

Al Micahels: *Thud*

Bob Costas: "Two shutouts of the round came from matches one and eight, where SinirothX and Warhawk both massively slaughtered their opponents by incredible margins. And I tell you, Al, these two are defintiely a couple of FAQers to watch out for later on in the tourney."

Al Michaels: "..."

Bob Costas: "You jackass. Moving right along, BTB also noticed a record number of gay jokes in the last round of the tourney. Whether or not any of them were aimed at him, he does admit that he seems to be rubbing off on the minds and personalitites of the FCB. Your thoughts, Al?"

Al Michaels: "..."

Bob Costas: "You are such a jackass, you know that?"

Al Michaels: *Comes to* "Wha... whoa...? Where am I?"

Bob Costas: "Jackass..."

Al Michaels: *Composes self* "BTB would also like to apoligze for the extreme tardiness in his posting of the final portions of Round One. However, much has happened in his life, and what with his girlfriend leaving him, it's been very difficult to concentrate on the tourney."

Bob Costas: "BTB and his girlfriend... pfft! BTB can't make a relationship last to save his life! Hell, girls are already preparing their "Dear John" speeeches when he asks them out!"

Al Michaels: "Hehe..."

Bob Costas: "I tell ya, Al, I've had orgasms that lasted longer than one of BTB's relationships!"

*BTB enters the room and stabs Bob Costas to death with a knife*

Al Michaels: "Oh my God... you killed Bob Costas! You bastard!"

*BTB drags Bob's body to a cloning machine, which spits out an exact replica of Bob Costas*

BTB: "I hope this thing works..."

Bob Costas II: "Wow, who is that jackass over there?"

BTB and Al Michaels: "It works."

Bob Costas II: "Moving on to the eastern division, some big names rise up to challenege to peace of the west. Big names including SteveMiller, the ever-crazy RaginDemonTEN, and last-minute returning tourney favorite, Phoenix. And Al, I'll tell you, if anyone has a chance to go all the way this season, it's Phoenix."

Al Michaels: "Indeed, Bob Costas. Phoenix poses two losses last season, but those losses were to Deflux and BTB. With those two out of the way this season, Phoenix's only challenege is the slew of new contestants. And the question is, can he make it?"

Bob Costas II: "Only time will tell, Al. I should also take this time to again remind the people that you can find anything and everything relating to the tourney at this website, created by the one and only Admiral:"

http://free.hostdepartment.com/A/Admiral1018/FAQ_Tourn/FAQ_Tourney_SP03.htm#east

"For now, the FAQers are taking the field, and the game will begin shortly. This concludes this edition of the Bob and Al pregame show, and we leave you with the results of the previous round."

Al Michaels: "From Bob Costas and myself..."

*Climatic screams from off-camera*

Al Micahels: "And from BTB... we all wish you a good night."

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